jueves, 22 de julio de 2010

Buddha Found in Greek Potato

“Miracle!” declared by vegetarians – & Irish Catholics weigh in.

Dateline Greece – A humble spud has been found in Greece that is claimed to depict the figure of a seated Buddha, prompting mixed responses from around the world today.

The tuber, found by a tourist in a sack of locally-grown potatoes from a local co-op allotment, is shaped like a seated figure, leaning forward as if to contemplate the healthy sprouts before it resting on its crossed legs.

“It’s a miracle,” said the lucky tourist, Sue Lacey-Bridges Watersbridgefordshire Oxbennington. Asked how she thought the Buddha spud got into the bag, she responded, “I don’t know really, I’m only here for the sun and lager.”

Miss Lacey-Bridges Watersbridgefordshire Oxbennington said she had no immediate plans to turn the potato into chips: “Well, I don’t have stove here, do I? And it is very cute, isn’t it? I wanted to take it home to me mum, but they told me that I can’t take live produce out of the country. It’s not a bomb, is it? And I thought this was the European Union – well!”

While many are calling it a miracle, others are quick to qualify.

“If this isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is,” said local Greek Orthodox priest Pappas Ouzo of the tiny village of Kavallouri. “Of course,” he went on, “this is clearly a figure of the seated Christ, contemplating the wicked sins of man, for which we must repent by donating to the church.”

Others weren’t so sure. “Not one single instance of a meditating Jesus has been found in all of Greek iconography,” said Spiros Spiroudoupolokakis, of the local Ikonographic Museum. “This would certainly present impetus for all of us to look at Christ in a new light.”

Meanwhile, in a statement issued by the high clerics of the Irish Catholic church, the figure was derided.

“It’s a potato, for St Pete’s sake,” said Father Seamus O’McFitzpatrick. “How could it be any other but our Lord. I mean, the Asians don’t eat potatoes, do they now? If it were a wee bit of rice, well, then it might be their wanderin’ prophet, but – really, don’t you know.”

A little further afield, vegetarians in Europe and America praised the find, saying that it would give strength and momentum to the Safe Food Movement.

“Look, this is the Earth sending us a message,” said Sunshine Moonbeam Weathersmile. “Hello? How could this not be seen as Mother Earth telling us to eat our vegetables and to quit eating cow and pig and chicken. Ugh, the very thought of meat makes me sick. And to stop messing with genetically modifying foods. So get with it Monsanto – Buddha’s on the line with memo for you!”

Representatives from Monsanto had no comment on the recent find, but pointed out that if a single trace of their chemical hocus-pocus were “discovered in the potato, a cornucopia of lawsuits will follow and patent trespassers will reap what they have sown.”

Copyright 2010 by David Hakim – ALL RIGHTS RESERVED