Uncle’s Song

(with apologies to Gilbert & Sullivan)


“I am the very model of a new avuncularity –
I've made myself the uncle of a group with some disparity.
Among them you’ll find actors and some students of the legal type –
Perhaps one day there will be one whose family bears a regal stripe!”

“Perhaps one day there will be one whose family bears a regal stripe!”

“These lads and lasses all have heads that bulge with ideas quite profound
And planet-saving notions about which they’re willing to expound.
They’re music makers, peachtree shakers and with full celerity
They even do some root canals for profit or for charity!”

“They even do some root canals for profit or for charity!”

“I worry that the youth today have not got full advantages
Though educated fully, they must work for what are scant wages.
But most are led by notions that they battle vile barbarity
And so they practice every day to sharpen their dexterity!”

“And so they practice every day to sharpen their dexterity!”

“I find them jobs and search for posts to give them skills and expertise
So they won’t have to find success by laboring in small degrees.
My nephews and my nieces face the world with staunch temerity
And so their chances are quite good to wallow in prosperity!”

“And so their chances are quite good to wallow in prosperity!”

“I wish for nepotism rare that has been turned all inside-out.
That is, that they will hire me at wages to write home about.
So far no job’s popped up, which is a great peculiarity –
But I have hopes to be employed for all my popularity!”

“But he has hopes to be employed for all his popularity!”

And on this point I must insist on having crystal clarity –
For it’s been said the workplace is no place for rude hilarity –
My sisters’ kids I do help out with deep and true sincerity:
I am the very model of a new avuncularity.”

“He is the very model of a new avuncularity.”


David Hakim is an assistant director, producer, and publicity expert who developed campaigns for every major Hollywood studio and handled publicity for the Motion Picture Academy. Find him in the Reel Directory online: www.reeldirectory.com.

All material copyright 2009 David Hakim and may not be duplicated - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.