Yet More Tears for The Onion

David Roland is at it again. We're hoping that someone from The Onion is occasionally scanning the internet for a mention of the paper... [see previous articles by Roland on this site]

Tiananmen/Khomeini Link Finally Out – 20 Years Too Late

Tiananmen Square, Beijing, June 4, 2009 - On the 20th Anniversary of Tiananmen Square Massacre, the “May 35th Incident” (as it is known in China, to avoid government crackdown on reports about the “Six-Four Occurrence”) has a special significance. This year, also the 20th anniversary of the death of Iran’s Ayatollah Sayyid Ruhollah Musavi Khomeini, we have the unique opportunity of perspective that allows us to look at a tragic accident transmuted by the press into an aggressive act by a weak government struggling with a counter-revolutionary student uprising.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In fact, the tanks in the Square that day were there to honor the passing of Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini on June 3, and the entire column of field ordnance was intended to make the traditional 21-gun salute to the fallen leader of Iran’s Revolution. In a lamentable case of human error gone horribly wrong, the turrets of the guns were not raised sufficiently, and unfortunately a number of students died.

One ironic point of the day was that Khomeini’s revolution was based in and fomented by the student population of Tehran - and here the Chinese were, killing the flower of their own intellectual youth. The Chinese government made the Tiananmen situation worse by claiming that the students had been jaywalking, and that particular crime was a serious threat to the integrity of the revolution. Subsequent attempts by various government departments to cover up the truth of that day have made the government look much worse.

One student (now known as ‘Tank Man’), standing with calendar in hand, was seen to stop the column of Chinese Type 59 tanks in the middle of Tiananmen Square, in an attempt to get them to raise their turret guns and avoid the carnage that was to come. Apparently, his dialect was not well understood by the tank commander, who parlayed with him before attempting a paso-doble in the middle of the square with the now-anonymous lad. Also called ‘the Unknown Rebel,’ the unidentified student is thought to have been executed for some weeks later for obstructing traffic. Other sources claim that the student is now a cell-phone magnate in Taiwan.

David Roland is a humorist who likes to make people wince as they are laughing - a rare trick. He is Hakim's close friend, and people who see them together should think carefully about the negative ramifications of calling them 'the two Daves.'

David Hakim is an assistant director, producer, and publicity expert who developed campaigns for every major Hollywood studio and handled publicity for the Motion Picture Academy. Find him in the Reel Directory online: www.reeldirectory.com.

All material copyright 2008 David Roland and may not be duplicated - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.